8 very compelling reasons for mutual masturbation – non-penetrative sex
MUTUAL MASTURBATION: I am a massive masturbator. I’ve spent literally hours doing it. Depending upon what assumption you believe about the exact chemical composition of the fluids some women create when they ‘squirt’, you might say that I have literally pissed entire afternoons up the wall, just frigging myself off.
When I initially purchased my much-loved Doxy, mains-powered wand vibrator, which according to the promo material oozes 30% more power than the Hitachi wand, and sounds akin to a starving hippo, I ended up with a severely bruised erogenous zone.
It is so good, that while visiting South East Asia with a bunch of girlfriends, I pretended to have food poisoning just so I could spend an uninterrupted half-hour self-pleasuring; Thai toilets frequently have a jet-spray shower attachment that’s designed to help you keep your private-parts clean, and let me tell you that it feels amazing directed at your pussy. Seriously, they should have those in every loo.
Yet of all my side-splitting, pleasure-seeking, masturbation stories, those that people are most shocked by are those that involve mutual masturbation: that’s touching yourself as a lover watches, and maybe touches themselves too. You may fondle and stroke each other as well, but the name of the game is to get yourself off.
Why would you want to masturbate when your partner is there and could give you a good seeing too? Why would you bother when you’re together and could just have real sex, or get him to go down on you?
If you think like that, then you’re not alone: a survey of over 1,800 UK adults revealed while 51% of people who are currently in committed relationships say they have masturbated while their partner was there, the other half never have. If you’re in that latter group, here are 8 awe-inspiring reasons to give mutual masturbation a twirl.
Solo masturbating is a great way to get a sexual thrill while keeping things less intense than full-blown intercourse – and is great if you’re feeling knackered
The thought of vigorous penetrative humping and pumping can seem off-puttingly gruelling if you’ve had a day that’s seemed to go on longer and suck harder than an everlasting gobstopper. However engaging in some lazy-lust with your partner gently stroking your nether region is a low-effort, quick-payoff way to enjoy stress-free pleasure and savour an intimate moment when you’re feeling completely wiped out. The next time you’re feeling totally shattered or need to unload some sex-juice after a stressful day at work, simply ‘get close’ and masturbate together in an unhurried, laid-back way. You will find it a surprisingly therapeutic way to relax.
My OH and I both work long shifts in a hospital, so mutual masturbation allows us to just please ourselves when we’re feeling too washed out to be truly attentive lovers to each other, but it’s still a connected experience that strengthens our relationship.
It’s one of the best forms of sex education there is
You know your own private parts like the back of your hand (hopefully – if you don’t, get to know them now!), and you know precisely what to do with your hands to make them feel wonderful. There is no-one better qualified than you to show your lover how you like to be touched. And vice versa: your partner is the expert wrangler of their pussy or penis, and the ideal person to demonstrate how it’s done. A mutual masturbation session is a perfect tutorial for you both. Even if you’ve been together a long time, things like what contraception you’re using, medications, age, and pregnancy can alter how your body responds to differing stimulation, so it’s a good idea to check with each other just to see what, if anything, may have changed.
As I’ve enthused on XXX Sex Contacts before, confident types can use the ‘Show ‘n’ Tell’ method: command your partner to lie on the bed or sit on a chair and pay close attention while you please yourself. If dirty talk floats your boats, you can describe what you’re doing, or ask your partner to describe what they’re viewing. Vocalising exactly what’s happening sounds super-sexy, whilst also deepening your partner’s precise understanding of your tastes.
If you’re shyer, try the ‘Hide ‘n’ Peek’ technique: ask your partner to leave you alone in the bedroom or bathroom while you put on sultry music, light candles, step into a warm shower, or do whatever else helps you get in the mood, before you start pleasuring yourself. After 10 minutes, they can come back and ‘spy’ on you by opening the door a little; the sense of voyeurism can be thrilling for them, and you might find it easier to lose your inhibitions if you have the room to yourself, rather than having your partner inches away from your genitals and examining your bits more closely than a rare clock on the Antiques Roadshow. Wearing a blindfold can be intensely exciting, too.
Masturbation is safer than penetrative sex in terms of risk and contracting STDs, obviously
When it comes to sexually transmitted infections (diseases) mutual masturbation is way less perilous than any kind of penetrative sex.
That said, there’s still a chance of transmitting skin-to-skin STIs, such as herpes, and it’s possible to catch other infections if fluids are transferred on hands or sex toys. Think about covering dildos with condoms if you’re going to share them, use a fresh condom each time you pass the toy between you – I recommend the new ONE range, which includes johnnies embossed with stimulating tattoo designs.
Know your status and that of your partner, so you can make informed adult decisions about what sort of sex you are comfortable with, and what precautions to take – there are tonnes of ways to get tested, in clinics and at home.
Mutual masturbation works a treat for virtual relationships and if your partner is at a distance
According to a recent poll, just over 1 in 10 people have masturbated with their partner (or a consenting adult stranger) over the phone or via text. It’s a brilliant way of keeping the excitement alive while you’re apart (and is even more exhilarating than stealing mini shampoos from Premier Inn’s housekeeping trolley).
Try enhancing the excitement by introducing some role play: one of you can be the ‘film director’, whilst the other is the porn star who has to follow instructions on how to touch themselves. Intensely sexy.
You can show your lover how you use your toys…
BTW, if you want to introduce a particularly powerful or loud toy, but suspect that your sex partner might be intimidated or put off by how much noise it makes, try giving it a debut on your smartphone but mute the speaker. After they’ve witnessed its potential to turn your knees to jelly (in an orgasmic way), they may well be less bothered about how audible the buzz is in real life.
Mutual masturbation is also the perfect moment to subtly show that you like to rest your bullet vibrator at a certain spot on your clitoris and keep it there, so it gives sustained stimulation that has a chance to build up – and that you don’t like to twirl it around your clit like a majorette’s baton, like a certain somebody did the last time you brought your sex toys into the bedroom. Cough.
Introduce sex toys to your fella
Although 3 in 4 heterosexual men have used a sex toy to pleasure their female partner, only 22% of women have used a gadget on their guy, according to a recent sex toy survey. Women are also more often the owners of sex toys, with nearly one in three saying they own at least one (31%), compared to just over one in ten men having their own sexual pleasure product (13%).
A mutual masturbation session is the ideal setting to level up those lopsided stats and persuade your bloke to discover different ways to stroke your pussy.
For instance, I bought my husband a Flip Hole textured silicone sleeve that you add lube too, then slide your penis into and essentially fuck. It has patterns and ridges inside that feel amazing (apparently), and it has a vacuum pump so he can alter how tightly it squeezes around his cock. He said it felt like a next-level blowjob. It’s usually women who use toys, and men who watch; it was a fresh, empowering thrill to turn the tables and be the voyeur while he played with something X-rated. Plus, because it was a new experience for both of us, it gave us an excuse to talk intimately about new sensations – the conversation was new, as well as the action.
If one of you is feeling hornier than the other, you can try ‘The Purple Pass’
In his hit Alphabet Street, miniature frill-sleeved sex goblin Prince croons – tonight I’m just not in the mood, so if you don’t mind, I would rather watch.
‘The Purple Pass’ means giving your partner express permission to masturbate, while you look on approvingly. You might encourage them by telling them how hot they look; you might allow them to cum on your skin; you might read aloud from a book of erotic stories to stoke their balls. But they get off, and you take part, without doing anything physical that you don’t feel up to, to them or yourself. It’s a decent compromise if you’re going through a period where your libidos are mismatched.
Mutual masturbation can be incredibly kinky
Masturbating when someone is present can essentially feel more intimate than having sexual intercourse. It can feel ultra-vulnerable being watched rather than moving closer together, and it’s hugely revealing to honestly show your lover something you’d usually do in private, and that is often stigmatised. That can make it intimidating, but it also means that mutual masturbation can build trust and feel incredibly connected.
Gaze into your partner’s eyes as you stroke yourselves with arms and legs intertwined, or spend a little time simply massaging each other with some lube before allowing your moist fingers to slide over your vaginal lips or his penis and balls.
Fancy something somewhat racier? Tie your partner’s hands so they can’t touch themselves while you masturbate in front of them. Or lie exposed, back to back, and masturbate: this can make you feel more secure (perhaps turning around as you both approach climaxes), but the telling shudders and shakes of your bodies against each other can be insanely sexy.
Author: XXX Sex Contacts