How Sexual Frustration Leads To Depression and Loneliness
By Rachel Thomas (XXX guest poster)
Sexual frustration can have numerous harmful consequences: masturbation overload, porn obsessions, and even fraught attempts of casual sex. The most frequent situations I’ve seen from people I know, random social media posts, and my personal experiences unfortunately usually end with the dreaded ‘D’ word, depression.
Masturbation overload can promote loneliness
Some women feel pathetic having to resort to masturbation because it’s a reminder of how lonely they are. Once the self-satisfaction session is over, it’s back to being alone in bed while watching erotic films. This blueprint can certainly aid depression because the continuous reminder of how you don’t have a lover occurs. For instance, one of my male friends has a wife who is in the hospital. He comes home to an empty bed every night, which is a new adjustment for him. He doesn’t want to cheat as he’s a loyal husband, but the lack of sex is really getting to him. So he watches porn and masturbates. As soon as he’s satisfied, depression kicks in because he feels sexually frustrated and useless.
There’s nothing wrong with masturbation and the art of knowing what exactly makes you climax. Although it is said that masturbation for men is not as healthy as sexual intercourse, according to some studies. Women need to feel an emotional bond, thus it’s difficult for some to enjoy solo sex via masturbating. A friend of mine received a sex toy for her 30th birthday. She’s been single for two years. One night, she decided to pleasure herself with her sex toy but couldn’t climax. She told me using her sex toy just didn’t feel right. She wished she was having sex with a man. I couldn’t help but notice her disappointment. These issues can lead to people not leaving the house and socialising anything like as much as they used to – and they tend not to communicate with friends as much as they did when sexually active.
The older I get the more I desire a relationship to have sex. A long time ago… well, not too long ago, casual sex was a comfort for me. Somehow, I just didn’t care how I felt afterward. Two years ago, I noticed the lack of arousal I experienced with a casual partner. On one occasion, I stopped halfway through and told him how unpleasant it makes me feel (I also felt foul from the sloppy kissing and his smelly armpits). When my sex life slowed down, I felt bored and lonely. At that time, I had zero interest in dating but craved sexual contact. I recall the exact moment I had a meltdown – I curled up in bed and cried because that was it for me – no more sex! In my mind, men only had sex with me because they’ll have sex with any woman willing and able. I wasn’t in the right place for a stable relationship, but I knew the only opening for sex with me was through a committed relationship. I tried masturbating while I watched porn. My sexual frustration skyrocketed. So I became depressed. Nothing I did would cure my sexual frustration which made me even more frustrated.
Recognise your sexual frustration, don’t be in denial
Sex dominates society, let’s admit it. The demand to become sexual or personify a provocative image can lead anyone to sexual disappointment. We live in a world where if your Instagram photos aren’t hot, you’re not desirable. If millennials feel unattractive because they don’t fit a ‘that’ popular profile, then picture how baby-boomers feel. The majority of baby boomers feel invisible in the dating world for obvious shallow reasons perpetuated by society and media.
Visualise someone giving up on the dating scene (and sex) just because society dictates they’re too old? The sexual frustration must be huge! Not to mention the depression which follows… or if baby boomers believe they are depressed. Baby boomers may just be in denial that sexual dissatisfaction, as well as being too old for sex by society’s standards equals depression. For instance, I viewed a couple of profiles on a dating site geared towards people over fifty. Most profiles started with painstaking introductions: “I recently lost my husband. Now life just passes me by.” Yes! You are unhappy if you believe life is passing by. Sure, she could be yearning for unfussy conversations or someone to play table tennis with, but she can gain this access with anyone. The point is, you’re losing out on a sexual partner – someone who you’re not only physically attracted to but emotionally connected with. It’s so difficult to find a partner you can trust and have great sex with.
When you ask a young person if they’re truly complete in their love life, you might get a vague reply. Most of my Facebook friends’ posts are filled with cryptic messages on how lonely they are or how they wish for more sex in their lives.
Since depression is considered embarrassing to many, it’s unlikely they will willingly admit they’re miserable because they aren’t getting laid. But it’s understandable how one’s sexual frustration is depressing. Especially if you are considered attractive by society’s standards, yet sexually frustrated.
A super hot person might think to themselves, “I can get anyone I want. I mean, just look at me. I would shag me,” then probably cry into their pillow.
Young girls are developing eating disorders because they think society prefers stick-thin girls over girls with curves. And men are taking half-naked selfies in the hope of getting “some” girl to send them one of her. Are these behaviours normal? If you ask me, there’s a suggestion of sexual frustration. Low self-esteem is no stranger to depression and sexual frustration. If you don’t feel sexy or fuckable, you may split yourself from the dating world. The dire need of wanting a particular person, but it’s not reciprocated promotes sexual frustration as well as low self-esteem. If your crush’s desires don’t match who you are, you can easily become depressed.
How to cure sexual frustration
The dad news is, I’m not a doctor. I wish I had a cure for sexual frustration. But I can speak from personal struggles and say keeping busy helps. I preoccupy myself with friends and family and have a number of hobbies I enjoy and which occupy much of my free time. Being outside does amazing things for the mind and body. Once you feel and look good, you develop great self-worth and you won’t mind waiting for someone worth your love… and body.
Sexting can help ease sexual frustration