20 Things Being a Dominatrix Taught Me About Men
A lot of men are *really* into feet and are foot fetishists.
Sofia Moretti has spent nearly 10 years leading a double life, working as a personal assistant to a high-flying CEO in the City during the day and a dominatrix, with a fully-equipped dungeon by night. Now at 34, she offers an exclusive insight into the secret life of a Mistress… and a bloody good read it is too!
- Just because men visit sex workers it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in a sexless marriage or unhappy relationship. Whilst it’s not healthy to betray your partner, I don’t think [men in relationships] paying to see a dominatrix means they’re in a failing relationship. Many are simply too afraid to have that tough conversation with their partner.
- It’s not constantly about ejaculation either. For 50% of men, ejaculation might be their goal, but a surprising number of men don’t cum. With some, there isn’t even nakedness involved. I imagine they’re banking on that later!
- So much of what turns men on is in their minds. People might think what domination is all about is ‘torturing’ and ‘punishing’, but much of it is pure fantasy. That said, torture and punishment can be in the mix, but it’s never black and white, rather Shades of Grey!
- Men can have fetishes about literally ANYTHING. One client wanted to do dentistry on people’s feet. He came in a full dental surgeon’s getup with instruments and a treatment plan. “Your big toe has two cavities, and your little toe needs a root canal,” he’d say.
- Men, if truth be told, aren’t that uptight about what women look like. A lot of women imagine that men are looking for supermodel stereotypes, but in reality, most of them fixate on the details. For many, it’s all about the colour a woman paints her toenails, or that their hair is in a ponytail, or that they are wearing heels. Do you get the picture?
- Food can turn them on… a lot. There’s a whole sub-group of fetishes that spin around food, and cake-sitting is one of them. Clients would bring a cake and want me to flop down and sit on it. Then there’s smashing a cream pie in their face, or having a good old food fight.
- Lots of men want to pretend you’re a giant woman who’s crushing them. They like the powerlessness.
- Housework is very *really* arousing to some men who are excited by domestic service and get off on pleasing someone else and feeling they’re useful.
- Celebrities want to be dominated too. Often seeking a release by having someone tell them ‘no’. And some, particularly those who are very successful, look to be dominated (even seeking corporal punished involving whips, paddles, and floggers) because being submissive is the polar opposite to their dominant roles at work and home.
- A lot of men conceal their fetishes. The clients I saw were a mix of single, married, in relationships and widowers – there is no specific ‘type’ or personal status that these men come from – they are quite literally anyone from anywhere and with no particular background or personal circumstance – they are all different. Some had spoken to their wives about their kinks and were given their partner’s blessing to explore, but many were clearly going this behind their wives’ backs.
- Some physically *need* a release. It’s almost like a drug habit where they get totally hooked on a particular fetish and they simply need to have their fix.
- The majority of my male clients were OBSESSED with feet. Feet are the most common fetish I saw. They want to give you a foot massage and worship your feet. Or smash food with your toes, or polish your muddy boots… with their tongue.
- Many want to experiment with their partner. Some clients came to me with their partners, wanting to explore together. It was so positive to see they were willing to build that into their relationship by being completely open with each other.
- They LOVE some really disgusting stuff. Like toilet play [licking] a toilet, or the bottom of your shoe, or the handle of a broom.
- Role play can be like psychotherapy for them. There were clients who I saw multiple times a week, for months on end – it was like going to your therapist once a week. For a lot of them, it’s a way of working through severe issues.
- Their turn-ons can be broken down into female archetypes: the motherly figure; disciplinarian headmistress; strict Domme who has a punishing or cruel streak.
- Everyone falls onto the D/s spectrum. We all have sexual preferences – lying back and letting it happen or exercising power and control over someone else. Everyone has a preference that falls on that power exchange spectrum.
- What turned my clients on was totally normal. Men with fetishes aren’t weirdoes, broken people, deviants, or perverts because they might have a foot fetish or like being tied up. It’s consensual and healthy and it’s right that men are able to explore and experience their kinks and fantasies.
- Fetishes are often formed in childhood. Sometimes it’s possible to point to either some childhood trauma or some really emotionally significant thing that happened in their past. Not always, but very often this is the case.
- In this profession… nothing surprises you about men, nothing!
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