Everyone has heard about the dangers associated with teen ‘sexting’… it has been in the media and all over the Internet for years. Then, and much to everyone’s surprise, a study published in the journal Paediatrics claimed sexting among teens was not as widespread as had been previously reported. It was found that only one percent of children aged 10 to 17 were actively sexting, a figure far less than had been believed to be the case – the study seemed to contradict the often widespread view that as many as 20% of teen girls were sexting. Parents where relieved and many people seemed to move on.
Nevertheless, recent data indicates discussions about sexting are far from over as lots of adults are now engaging in the activity. Mashable reported that a UK-based mobile news site, Recombu, found that 47% of adults in England share racy texts. And of the 47%, approximately one in 10 have sent a ‘not suitable for work’ message to the wrong person. (Yikes!)
Adult Sexting Rises:
WHAT IS SEXTING AND WHO DOES IT?
Sexting is broadly defined as the sending of nude or semi-nude photographs using mobile (smartphone) technology. However, anecdotally, people expand the meaning to include sexually explicit and suggestive words as well.
Even though most research is focused on teen sexting, some credible research has also been done on adult sexting looking particularly at ‘sexually suggestive nude or partially nude images’ sent via text message. The data, while limited because it primarily applies to sexts which include images, provides a good jumping-off point to help us appreciate how many adults are engaging in this type of sexually intimate behaviour.
One survey interviewed over 2,000 adults over the phone and discovered that 6% of adults admitted to sending explicit messages, whilst 15% said they had received intimate texts. The numbers jump up for adults in the 30-49 and 18-29 age ranges – many of the younger adults have grown up in the internet, texting, AIM age. 13% of adults 18-29 admitted to sending sexts, while 31% said they had received sexts from someone. These statistics suggest that its young adults who are generally inclined to engage in sexting, with a substantial number of adults sending and receiving nude or partially nude images.
Adult Sexting Rises:
THE DARK SIDE OF SEXTING
The off-putting aspects of adult sexting might seem to be obvious. The simplicity with which one can converse through a smartphone means that people need to be careful… if you’ve had a few too many [drinks] the last thing you need is to embarrass yourself or, what’s even worse, ruin your relationship. Pro-tip: The Millennial equivalent of ‘don’t drink and drive’ has become ‘don’t drink and text.
The simplicity of smartphones can create a false sense of familiarity for those involved in sexting, irrespective of whether alcohol is in the mix or not. Smartphones, in particular, feel more personal than computers… it’s your phone, it’s small, it’s in your pocket and feels like it’s just you and your phone. And even though a sext may seem private, it’s just as easy to forward a sext as it is to send one. It’s this false sense of security that can get you into trouble when you sext — especially if you’re involved in a separate, committed relationship.
Being the recipient of unexpected sext can also be a perilous position, more than ever when it crosses the line into stalking. When it’s used as [a tool for] flirting between consenting adults … it should be fine as long as both parties understand and respect sexting rules and individual boundaries.
A 24-year-old model, Rosie*, told XXX Sex Contacts via email that she engaged in a casual texting relationship with a guy a year ago that took a turn toward the unsuitable:
One day, my phone buzzed and there it was. Bam. His penis. I tossed my phone on my bed and gasped. Then realised I’d have to pick it back up ultimately and so I did. I told him that his package was not something I wanted to see, and asked him to never do something like that again. He laughed it off and told me to relax. Relax? I felt totally embarrassed.
In addition, mistakes during sexting can result in your basic, run-of-the-mill awkwardness even for people who feel by and large safe and relaxed doing sexting. Meghan*, 36, who describes herself as someone who ‘sexts all the time’, spoke about a time that she unintentionally sent an explicit message (words only) to a work colleague instead of her sexting partner. “I will never, ever live that down,” she told us. “He thought it was very funny and didn’t really care… but he makes sure to bring it up anytime I see him.”
Adult Sexting Rises:
WHEN SEXTING BUILDS INTIMACY
Countless experts say that sexting isn’t all bad. In truth, they say it can be positive for adult intimacy, depending on the circumstances. Generally, any frenzy over ‘sexting’ is [because] it’s seen by many as cheating on your primary relationship, as most people sending explicit, flirtatious text messages are including nude or partially nude photos. Using words with explicitly sexual images is a very potent means of building intimacy. Sexting [your partner or a stranger] gives you the ability to express yourself in ways you normally wouldn’t.
This feeling can apply to people who are single as well as those in long-term, committed relationships. This can create several ethical dilemmas, such as can I text about a blowjob while I’m eating a McDonalds with my kids. (Answer: Yes)
Meghan said: “Don’t tell me sending intimate photos of myself is risky. I know he could show it to his friends, but so what? I look great.”
For couples having problems in the bedroom department, sexting can be a great form of foreplay. It means couples can reconnect with the erotic side of their sexual relations. Sexting offers a very creative intervention for those wanting to rekindle their relationships.
Basically, sexting is not for Kids, it can and does spice up people’s sex lives.
Experts differ on their views as to how sexting plays a role in infidelity, but like any form of sexual activity outside of one’s own committed relationship can be seen as a betrayal.
Adult Sexting Rises:
A GENDER DIVIDE?
There are male and female differences when it comes to technology and intimacy, men tend to be far less verbal than women, who prefer men to ‘pick up the phone’. Most men feel they’re more in control communicating with women by text.
This may be true in general, but the reverse dynamic also exists. This is supported by a study which focused on over 5,000 users of AshleyMadison.com, a social networking and dating website built around matching up married men and women. What the study showed was that over 60% of women had sexted. The study also revealed that women had sexted far more than men had.
Whoever you listen to and no matter which study or survey you read, what comes through loud and clear is that loads of adults are sexting to express themselves sexually. Yes, you need to be careful but the act of sexting is neutral, what’s important is how sexting is used.
The big take away for you has to be: When you sext, sext wisely!
Adult Sexting Rises