Blowjobs

BLOWJOBS: 18 things to know ahead of giving a great blowJob

Penises and mouths are not generally the same size, FYI.

Staring down at a hard penis, knowing that it will be in your mouth in the next few seconds, can be daunting. Each time, not just the first time you give a bloke some head. Just as with anything you do for the first time, preparing yourself for the intimidating dick-in-your-mouth experience is particularly intimidating if you’ve never done it before.

That’s where the familiarity of other, more cock-travelled women comes in. To help ease your pre-BJ woes (whether it’s your first time or you’ve successfully executed hundreds of blowjobs), here are 18 things every woman wish she had known before giving her first blowjob.

Blowjobs: A penis doesn’t have eyeballs so it doesn’t know the difference between the back of your throat and the roof of your mouth. All the sloppy areas inside your mouth essentially feel the same, with the exception of your teeth, obviously. Women don’t have penises so won’t appreciate the benefit a man gets when you take his manhood and give him a deep throat blowjob, however, gently ramming the tip of his cock into the roof of your mouth feels like the same thing but it won’t make you gag.

Anyone who DEMANDS a blowjob is unquestionably not worth a moment of your time. This goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. No one should ever demand or force any sexual act from you, and this goes for blowjobs, too. Some men think they somehow deserve oral sex, they don’t. If any man ever says to you that they want you to give them a blowjob, feel free to say that you deserve to be with a guy that’s not a prick.

Blowjobs: Giving a bloke a blowjob isn’t just about pleasing him. Have you come across something called ‘sensate focus? It’s a sex treatment method in which you focus on touch and the bodily gratification it brings you, and you can use it to effortlessly relieve any blowjob-anxiety or perhaps use it to just ~mix it up~ a little. Essentially, instead of doing what you think you’re supposed to do to make ‘him’ feel great, employ blowjob techniques that are pleasurable and exhilarating for you too. Oral sex doesn’t have to be one-sided… as its reputation seems to signify.

Your sex partner’s penis isn’t a vagina and doesn’t just get wet on demand… there’s some pre-cum for sure, but that’s only akin to a light shower when a good BJ requires a torrential downpour. You should either use a flavoured lube, that doesn’t taste like shit, or down some water or be ready to use all the spit you can muster. It’s not unpleasant. This is someone you fancy the pants off and you want to suck him off.

Blowjobs: You don’t have to bow down before his erect cock like its royalty. In movies and TV shows and whatever else, the only BJ position ever depicted is a woman on her knees, bobbing her head back and forth while a man stands up like a statuesque Greek god. This is so rare IRL! You don’t have to invest in knee pads. Just get on the bed and do it lying down. It’s COMFIER.

You don’t have to swallow his spunk and say, “OMG, your cum is amazing, I so adore the taste of your sex juice babe!” What’s more, you don’t have to swallow at all. The man whose dick you’re sucking is not going to scream at you if you modestly dispose of his cum into a napkin or something. He may get a tad disappointed if you spit it straight onto his face, but that’s really just between the two of you.

Blowjobs: The average erect penis length is 5.17 inches (despite what you may have heard to the contrary). I haven’t measured the inside of my mouth, but I am pretty sure there aren’t 5.17 inches of space between my lips and the back of my throat. Consequently, I do not advocate a woman stuffing a man’s hardened penis down her oesophagus. Simply let your hands take control of the situation. Take the tip of his dick into your mouth and place your hands around the base of his prick, and bingo you can easily control how much of his member goes down your throat. As far as any woman is concerned, this is within the acceptable rules of oral play.

When giving a guy a blowjob, you need to be mindful that you don’t accidentally bite down on his penis with your teeth, sever it and leave him sterile for the rest of his life. There are numerous horror stories about teeth ‘getting in the way’ of a good blowjob. Imagine, if while giving your man a BJ your teeth strip his dick of skin with a razor-like precision. Teeth should be retracted in favour of tongue licking and lip suction.

Blowjobs: On occasion, a man’s penis does not smell great because some men have poor personal hygiene. I don’t think women expect a guy’s cock to smell like strawberries and cream or taste the same as sucking on a bar of chocolate (although they should) but some guys are just rubbish when it comes to clean genital maintenance – some are okay others are far from okay. Something else to bear in mind is that everyone sweats far more in the summer, so if you encounter a smelly dick expect it to be even worse in the summer heat. The crotch is full of sweat glands so I don’t think it’s rude to suggest a sexy shower beforehand, which will give you the opportunity to pull his foreskin back (if he has one) and clean out all that smelly smeg build up.

Penises that look small and non-intimidating occasionally feel like novelty-sized noodles when they are inside your mouth. You thought it looked like your pinky-finger, but now that it’s in your mouth it’s like one of those little toys that grow when you place it into the water. What’s happening in there? Who knows? Maybe we’re all overestimating the size of our mouth holes.

Blowjobs: You can use your tongue to fool him into thinking he’s all the way in your mouth. Like ~magic~ if magic were altered and used only to trick men into thinking you give the best blowjobs in the world. Don’t tuck your tongue away and hide it while he’s pumping your mouth. Use your tongue (like the roof of your mouth thing) to fool him into thinking he’s essentially shoving his dick down your throat and into your stomach. The tactic is to simply tuck his penis under your tongue, or use your tongue to stop his cock going too far down your throat. This will also help you to avoid falling victim to a gag reflex.

A blowjob isn’t a magic button that makes him cum instantly. Although most men love receiving oral sex, it’s not something that over in a few seconds (usually!). Giving good head requires knowledge and skill and can take a little time to get him off, especially if you’re down there for, like, 10 minutes.

A blowjob can be foreplay for men and doesn’t have to be the main event. And not every BJ has to conclude in a spout of geyser-esque ejaculate shooting all over your face or tits. You can just suck his cock for a little while until he gets revved up, and then move on to vaginal or anal sex.

Blowjobs: Oral sex is one thing that porn can truly teach you a lot about, like the explicit sex education you never had at school. Sex education should, without doubt, be better in this country but I really doubt we’ll ever have gym coaches teaching good blowjob etiquette in front of a bunch of mystified teenagers. And that’s doubtless for the best… but when watching hardcore porn, please bear in mind that people don’t fuck in real life like they do in porn films. That said, close-up blowjobs and cum shots with insanely sexy woman ferociously sucking a bloke’s dick can serve as a good tutorial on how to move your head. Just don’t try deep-throating a guy unless you know what you’re doing.

Actually, no one can deep-throat without gagging. I seem to remember reading somewhere that some women can take a man’s penis deep down her throat without gagging. Don’t believe it. The gag reflex exists for a reason!

Blowjobs: You do not have to perform oral sex on a bloke to have him perform cunnilingus on you. If a guy refuses to go down on you because you won’t suck him off… because he has a disgustingly smelly prick that you don’t want in your mouth, or because you just don’t want to for whatever reason, then he’s not right for you.

69ing is awful and over-hyped and I’ll tell you why. IMO, the point of oral sex is so you can lie back and enjoy what’s happening while someone else gives you intense pleasure. 69ing is like having a sensual massage while you have to concentrate on doing something erotic back to the masseuse. Doesn’t that sound weird to you? If you like giving a blowjob while he performs cunnilingus on you, fair enough, each to their own.

Blowjobs: Last and by no means least, you are not a slut if you love giving head, and equally, you are not a killjoy if you happen to dislike sucking a man’s dick. Oral sex is definitely overblown by some people as it represents just one thing on an almost inexhaustible menu of sex acts you can perform on another person. Nobody should take issue with you loving oral sex, and I promise if anyone ever attacks you for liking to suck men off, direct them to me without delay because there’s a conversation we need to have. You like what you like and hate what you hate, and it’s all fine and good.

Author: Emma Valsco.

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