What makes a good kisser? Real people on the kissing techniques they love — and the ones they hate.
“First and foremost, a good kisser is someone who seeks approval before going in for the smooch. Nothing gets me in the mood more when a guy says ‘May I kiss you?’ Once that’s settled, it’s normally safe to start soft, and then ramp up the sexual oomph as the kiss goes on. I value a kiss with meaning; I want to feel the guy’s interest in me through their mouth. Give me tongue muscle, give me tender lip movement, give me varying head angles, and pull me into you. I need his lips to align with mine. In the past I’ve had some pretty off-putting kissing experiences where guys have slobbered all over my face, leaving me repulsed and drenched in saliva. Don’t do this. Some people might think its okay to transfer saliva, but unless it’s a micro-dose it is likely to be unwelcome. Girls don’t usually consent to receive shots of a guy’s spit.”—Rachel, 26, Farnborough
“To be a good kisser, for me at least, you will have soft, sensual, full-lips. Having the ‘right’ lips is integral to the whole kissing process as far as I’m concerned. If someone has dry cracked lips, no matter how good their kissing technique may be, it will kill the passion stone dead. Good kissers do more than just push their lips against yours; they hold your waist and gently caress your face. A good kisser will always start slow; with small pecks… then add some lip-locking suction, before they move on to a little tongue play and maybe move their tongue up toward the roof of other person’s mouth. I love a touch of playful licking and if they grab my tongue gently with their lips so much the better. You want a kiss to be natural, so that you don’t detect an exchange of saliva! Everyone is unique and kisses differently; but what good kissers are able to do is pick up on the rhythm of the other person so you don’t bang heads, or teeth! Don’t over think it, simply go with the flow and enjoy it.”—Phoebe, 23, Cottingham
“Before you even think about moving in for a smootch, make sure you have fresh breath and a chapstick at the ready, and look at the other person’s lips to see if they are full, small or wide etc, to work out the best way to proceed with the kiss. If they have full lips, it’s seductive to suck on their bottom lip as the kiss lingers. You want to make sure to tilt your head to the side so you aren’t bumping heads during the kiss. Stroke the back of their neck during the kiss and put your all into it! Once your head is tilted and you guys are going at it make sure to use your tongue, move in a slow, stroking motion caressing your partner’s tongue. Never move your tongue at a fast speed.”—Andi, 30, Solihull
“A good kisser knows that different people have different likes and dislikes, so it’s key to get a feel for the way the other person wants to kiss. A kiss is not one-sided, and it’s more pleasurable when both parties want to please each other. A good kisser won’t just dive in with their tongue. The method is super important since it can make or break the kiss before the real kissing even begins. If someone is too forceful, the whole thing will misfire spectacularly. I like kisses that start with closed-mouths and kind-of basic, that way the lips fall into the action naturally. From there the lips ought to open with the kiss, and then tongues may come into play, but only if both parties are ready and willing. ”—Jayne, 41, Chesterfield
“A good kiss will be totally intimate. Kissing is one of the most sensual, sexy and personal acts two people can possibly engage in. It’s a mutual exchange (of emotions) and is somewhat like having a conversation with someone, in the sense that, if you’re slowing down, or if you start slipping your tongue in their mouth, then your kissing-partner should respond to that, and match your pace. If you slow down and your partner speeds up, you can respond to that by meeting them halfway or speeding up to meet their pace. A great kisser might use his or her teeth with some light biting of the lips, and even jump over to pay attention to their partners ears, which cn be an awesome bonus! But, if your partner’s teeth knock against yours, I would stop ASAP and not even feel bad about it. ”—Karen, 29, Arbroath
“I adore kissing and being kissed, it’s a beautiful, warm and very personal way to connect with someone and express your passion. I like to kiss with my whole mouth: I love to bite my partner’s lips and to use my tongue to lick all of their teeth. I love it when my partner spits in my mouth. The key to kissing well is having mutual respect. You have to be fixed on the job at hand. You have to want to kiss that person and they have to want to kiss you too. Your mouth is such a personal and intimate part of your body, kissing is gross if you really think about it… our mouths are full of germs and smells and even leftover food particles from the bizarre fun sized Snickers bar you decided to eat after breakfast! You have to want the person so badly that you want all of their grossness inside of you. “ —Laura, 28, Sittingbourne
“For the most part, the thing that makes someone a good kisser is… they pay attention! Now, I accept that what I like personally is likely to differ from what you and other people like. Say you’re always trying to use your tongue and I’m not opening my mouth it should be obvious I don’t want to be French kissed. Don’t just ‘lead,’ so you can get a sense of what they like in how they kiss you—but also don’t just ‘follow’ either, because then you don’t come across as being interested. Also kiss as appropriate; a peck before hopping on the subway is cute, something long, lingering and sloppy is not. Even if you’re ‘good’ at kissing, if you merely have one style it’s very awkward for the other person to work round. Bad kissing would be coming at someone like they’re food or like you’re attacking them. Being too wet is also bad—and my mouth shouldn’t be completely in your mouth, and I shouldn’t feel an urgent need to wipe my lips (or face), etc. Kissing is one sex activity that doesn’t require any additional lubrication. ” —Emma, 33
“The key to a good kiss is to create a climax from great tongue use (play). It’s all about the expectancy and lead-up to a high-point. My least favourite kisses have been the ones where someone goes straight in with the tongue. It feels like they are trying to score points in a game or something. Also, I’m a sap for the all round the face kisses. I think there’s a sense of laying oneself exposured when someone lets you kiss their eyelids, or just to the left or right of the lips.”—Ricky, 38, Grantham
“I prefer it when the person I’m kissing isn’t too forceful, and when we both fall into a natural rhythm of head tilts/smooches. I don’t like a lot of tongue, but some tongue when timed right can be great. I also like to lightly bite their lower lip, or for them to bite mine! It’s so sexy and makes things feel very intimate. I think I’m a good kisser since I don’t put a lot of effort into kissing. It should feel natural but not like just sitting there receiving the kiss. My tip is to relax your mouth so it meshes perfectly with the other person’s mouth. To take your time—there’s no reason to rush, each kiss needs to feel like you really mean it!”—Silvie, 27, Luton
“I hate it when someone uses too much tongue. It’s not only messy; I don’t like it and feel under pressure to tongue them back. Then all I can think about is your tongue in my mouth and the kissing is no longer sexy. If someone does use their tongue, it’s should always be gentle. I accept that for some French kissing can give a kiss more passion. Just little slips of a tongue here and there, is plenty enough for me. I do enjoy a fond playful bite though. When someone bites my lower lip (affectionately) or lightly sucks on it, it instantly makes me put them in the good kisser category. For me, what makes you a good kisser is if you’re putting in the same amount of effort into kissing me that I’m putting into kissing you. If I feel like I’m craning my neck to get to your lips or you’re just pecking, I’m not going to be into it.”—Hannah, 25, Walthamstowe
“A kiss should start slow and tender — with soft lip contact. Not pecking, lips should be interlocked. As the kissing progresses, the kissing should become more passionate. Hands should unquestionably be involved with touching the face and neck. As things heat up, you can touch someone’s hair too. Tongues can be involved, but should be kept to the bare minimum — promptly play with the other person’s tongue or slide yours across the top of the inside of their mouth. A small nibble of the lip can undeniably be very sexy too. There are no precise techniques that improve somebody’s quality of kissing, because it’s all very subjective. A good kisser is self-aware and mindful of their partner’s kissing style. They don’t come on too strong and adapt to how their partner kisses them back. Someone who is good at kissing has the ability to connect passionately and respond naturally to how they are being kissed.”—Jami, 26, West Bromich
“Making the experience exciting and varied is one of the keys to keeping kissing interesting. The basic activity involves light to heavy sucking of your partner’s lips while opening and closing your mouth in rhythm with theirs. Experiment! Use your mouth to suck their lips or tongue lightly to change the pace and arouse them. The mouth is a highly erogenous zone and is super important for proper arousal and sexual compatibility! Kiss their neck — it will be highly sensitive to your soft lips and tongue. Don’t use too much pressure or they’ll be wearing polo neck jumpers for days!.”—Fern, 25, Camberwell