THREESOMES: From ‘difficult and awkward’ to ‘addictive’… People who have had threesomes expose what it’s really like.
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Our users were asked about their first threesome and the answers were very mixed.
When it comes to sexual fantasies, having a threesome is right up there. Some couples go as far as experimenting with another person and many more just imagine having a threesome – but what’s it really like?
In a recent XXX poll, people who had actually taken part in a threesome exposed how it went for them in just one sentence… some of their comments may surprise you.
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One disappointed person wrote: “Had my first threesome last night. Porn is so fake. It proved to be incredibly difficult and really awkward.”
Whilst Jenifer from Bristol wrote: “I experienced my first threesome last week with my long-term boyfriend and my best friend. OMG, what have I done?”
Others claimed a positive experience though, with one person claiming they are now hooked on kinky sex.
Harry from North London said: “I had my first threesome last night and I think I’m dangerously addicted and want to try a swinging lifestyle.”
Here are a few more of the comments – both good and bad.
- Jemma (43) Chesterfield: “Had my first threesome last night. I was into her more than him.”
- Lara (39) Sheffield: “My first threesome ended suddenly. It’s like a horror film playing over and over in my mind.”
- Daryl (46) Felixstowe: “My former roommate and me had our first threesome the other night and were so anxious about it we wore matching panties.”
- Keira (24) Bury St. Edmonds: “I had my first threesome to help me forget about my ex. I’m still gloomy but for a second I felt ‘wanted.’”
- Carly (28) Paddington, London: “I’m a flight attendant and had my first threesome with the captain and first officer.”
- Leah (28) Manchester: “I just had my first threesome. I can barely walk.”
- George (29) Liverpool: “My first threesome was with my friend and his pregnant wife. After the baby was born we had skinny sex.”
- Sheri (28) Salford: “My first threesome was a fail because I accidentally kicked the husband in the balls and we were unable to continue.”
- Laura (34) Cardiff: “Just had my first threesome and the guy clearly liked my friend better so I just upped and left.”
- Abbi (34) Bristol: “My boyfriend and I just had our first threesome. I was excited and he was excited. The girl ended up being bad in bed but we still enjoyed the experience together.”
- Greg (43) Scunthorpe: “Had my first threesome. It was honestly the best experience and strangely helped my relationship.”
A Girl’s Guide to Threesomes
This article was written by a member of the XXX Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
Threesomes are one of the fascinating sex acts, often associated with a swinging lifestyle, which comes high on many people’s sex bucket list. Whether it be the stuff of fantasies in the back of a lad’s mag, or open-minded couples seeking to spice up their humdrum sex lifes, or sexually adventurous girls like me who think that one penis is good, but having two cocks to play with is even better.
But frankly, it can be tough enough getting ONE person into bed and working out what turns him or her on, what positions work for your bodies, and how to be ‘really into it’. Adding an additional person may seem like lunacy- and honestly, it can be problematic. You must be totally in-touch with yourself and what you hope to get out of the experience and be able to diplomatically make sure everyone is on board. Threesomes are fairly simple to fuck up, and if you don’t do some soul searching and communicate ahead of time, you’ll have two people irritated, not one! So listen up. And remember- these are just tips from my experience, they may serve you, they may not. It’s just meant to be a place to start.
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From the outset, ask yourself and your partner, if you have one why do you (we) want to have a threesome, and under what circumstances (rules)? Are you thinking it will be a one-off event? Are you just curious to experience a threesome to see what it’s like? Would you like it to be a regular occurrence? Are you seeking a casual sex type relationship? Or do you favour something more serious along the lines of a swinging lifestyle? Do you want a harmony situation, or are you thinking you fancy being the focus of two other people? This will give you an idea of what type of potential sex partners you should consider. For example, I’d want to invite a person to play with me and my lover on a one-off basis (unless anything changes) so they wouldn’t need to be someone I want to see again necessarily, but if I wanted another boyfriend, then perhaps my expectations and desires may be different.
Who to ask?
One of the questions you need to answer is ‘what sort of threesome am I looking for? Obviously, I’m not the best person to talk about MMM threesomes (Male, Male, Male), but I’ll give you my suggestions of the pros and cons of the other three. And for all three categories (FFM, MMF and FFF), you need to know what language people use, and how they like their genitalia referred to and touched. Not everybody likes nipple stimulation or cunnilingus (surprisingly!).
Note: if you are male, and you want your girlfriend (GF) to consider a threesome with another girl, it’s only fair that you offer her the chance to be the meat in a male sandwich. Just saying. 😉
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FFM: The girls, in just about every conceivable situation, need to get on as friends at the very LEAST and it’s desirable that they want to jump each other’s bones irrespective of whether the guy is in the room or not. I will be quite candid with you here – I’ve never heard of a threesome involving a couple where the guy picked the girl, the two girls focused on the guy, and this didn’t end in pain and tears.
It is tragedy city, believe me. It works far better if the two girls go at it and the boy sits on the sidelines some of the time. What about this: the guy and one of the girls fuck while girl #2 just sits on the sidelines masturbating? Now, I’m sure this has happened outside of porn movies, but I wouldn’t propose it unless you’ve particularly negotiated that scenario and/or hired the other girl to be there (more on booking a bisexual escort/sex worker for threesomes will be touched upon later in this article).
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As a girl joining a couple, it’s exciting and can be great fun providing you are okay with the lack of accountability and sentiment that comes from being a ‘living sex toy’… which, let’s face it, will usually be your purpose. In fact, I would say that any girl in a threesome should think of themselves as a ‘living sex toy’ as their base expectation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bad-mouthing that at all, in fact, that’s what I loved about threesomes for a long time… but if you expect to be treated as a lover you might feel let down, depending on what any pre-discussion might have indicated.
Threesome pro-tip: I would strongly recommend that you meet both parties of the couple – that’s both him and her – separately for a chat, maybe over lunch, just to double check what each partner is hoping for. Chat and flirt with her more than him, because at the end of the day her happiness equals your pleasure, and will lead to less stress all around.
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MMF: Okay, I’m going to be straightforward with you – in my own experiences; this is usually easier than FFM or FFF. Whether you’re playing with a male couple (which is hot!) or two guys you know, the guys will normally both pay attention to you because you’re the new shiny thing. This is an AWESOME situation. Plus I haven’t had the same subtle envy issues.
If your boyfriend is involved and it’s your first time, offer to give him a blowjob while the other guy licks or fucks you – a big reason for this is to take the pressure off your bf, in case he gets anxious and has a hard time getting an erection. This little amount of care can turn a potentially bad experience into a triumph, and he never needs to know why you did it. Plus, you can always ask them to switch places – I do this if one guy is better endowed than the other, so guy #1 can get me a little more warmed up!
As a rule, everybody can part ways and be relaxed later, or cuddle, and it’s no big deal either way. Guys can do this sort of thing once or numerous times and not turn it into a commitment, in general. IN GENERAL. That is not an alternative to effective communication with the boys involved though, okay?
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FFF: If you’re lucky enough to know 2 girls who enjoy group play casually, then this can be a blast.
I highly recommend not playing with a couple or close friends, however, unless you REALLY know them and, preferably, have seen them during threesomes before. Be wary of all the things I told you about FFM threesomes, and double it.
Be sure to consider keeping one hand for one girl and one hand for the other, or you’ll go through a lot of gloves trying to keep girl-juices separated. Don’t take it for granted that just because you’re playing with women you don’t need to practice about safer sex – it’s advisable to have dental dams on hand. Double check, too, if anyone has any allergies, particularly since many women are susceptible to glycerine around their pink bits and many standard lubricants have glycerine in there. It can ruin some hot sex, believe me!
Positions
This is really important if you want to avoid someone feeling envious or left out, having an idea of positions that are doable on your bed (queen or bigger, please) is a huge plus. I personally fancy keeping things going in such a way that no one feels left out- sitting on a guys face as the other girl rides his cock and we shag, for instance, or the classic spit roast (whether with silicone or flesh cocks), or the train-style sex, where the person in the middle penetrates and gets penetrated. But usually, try to keep all three actively sexually involved. None of that ‘oh, I’ll just watch and wank-off’ shit unless they really are into that. Forget trying to get between your lover and the new sparkly thing, even though you may actually feel somewhat left out. Also, pay attention. This is what a sex toy is for!
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Extra Suggestions:
Be sure to discuss everything and all eventualities that you can imagine. Set safe sex guidelines, and establish who likes what kind of play, decide if you’ll show affection after your session or just split up and simply walk away. It’s imperative to let your sex partners know if you intend to be a little clingy because that can turn a fun experience into something else if they aren’t taking it as seriously as you. It’s also important to highlight that everything is casual and on a no strings attached basis if that’s how you see it. You never know who’ll end up feeling heartbroken after. Being open and honest equals having a great time, every time!
On the subject of safer sex, always double check what everybody feels relaxed with ‘safer sex’ wise, what they use with other lovers, when they last got tested. You might be ok with barebacking (sex without a condom) with your long-term boyfriend but not the new guy. This is essential to bring up. And remember- they might not be telling you the truth, so assume they have something you would not want to contract, at least, and judge the risks from there.
Threesome Power Dynamics
Power dynamics can be inclined to make threesomes easier, in my opinion. You pick the odd person out (the third wheel, if there’s a couple or the new person who hasn’t done this before, if three friends, or the least relaxed person) and the other two lavish that one with intimate attention. Having someone in bondage can help or have one person ‘Top’ the other two. Again, discuss and agree, and above all be honest about how much experience you’ve had with this sort of play – it CAN make things easier and more fun, but things can go wrong if, for instance, you didn’t know that someone is a rape survivor, or that someone hates being submissive. Personally, I enjoy telling my boyfriend and the third person what to do for my entertainment- by being the bitch in charge, I feel comfortable with how far things will go and how quickly.
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Strangers or Friends?
It’s a toss-up whether it’s better to play with people you know and trust or go with complete strangers. Some of my best threesomes have been with strangers, and disappointing ones with people I know – I’ve even had a relationship fall apart because I didn’t trust my boyfriend as much as I thought I did before we had a threesome. I’ve also had relationships flourish with couples, much to our surprise. I’ve also had strangers become stalkers, or fallen for someone I had sex with and felt wretched after. Like I said, be honest with yourself and those playing with you. And if you’re playing with friends, understand that something may end up happening and denting your friendship. Did I mention communication? Of all the advice in the world about threesomes, this is the one piece of advice you should let sink in. Also, consider making a plan to do something ordinary afterwards, if you’re doing it with someone you expect to see again, like going to dinner a day or two later or seeing a movie. If it’s awkward, better to discuss it sooner rather than let it fester. And if it wasn’t, then the sooner you compare notes, the sooner it can happen again!
Let guys pick the guy, and let girls pick the girl. If you’re a couple looking to play with a third, I find it helps if the same-sex partner picks the other person. This seems to cut down on resentment. Furthermore, it makes looking for potential sex partners far more fun and reassures the person being picked that yes, you’re all in for it and interested in having a good time. On that note…
Consider an escort (AKA a sex worker). Not only will a high-class escort be likely to stay up to date on their sexual health and safety, they’ll have some experience making threesomes fun for everyone involved already. It will almost certainly make the whole experience much less complicated and far safer emotionally for an established couple to explore this sort of sex play and means they won’t have to worry about #3 calling at all hours of the day and night. You might also learn a few new sex techniques, too!
Setting Boundaries.
Some may consider ‘their bed’ a sacred place and not for ‘that’ sort of play and, therefore, a hotel might be more fitting – others don’t give a fig. I love doing threesomes at parties, because parties have a predetermined ‘end point’, and it creates a space for the play to happen where you can then simply leave at the end of the evening with your regular partner. That can make things feel less complicated and you feel more comfortable than some of the alternatives. Also, you should remember to agree who needs to provide the safer sex supplies. Will drinking or substance use be involved? Although I’m no prude, people under the influence cannot legally consent. Know your boundaries, and theirs!
Always Take Care of Yourself.
If you’re the couple, it helps to spend some time afterwards just the two of you, doing something nice together and reconnecting. If you’re the odd girl out, it helps to hang out with friends after or do something light-hearted and fun, this will help to lighten the intensity and make you feel a little less lonely if that happens to you. Always have this planned BEFORE the threesome, so you aren’t disillusioned by your friends being busy. It can be a great rush followed by an intense fall, emotionally, so make sure to take care of you.
This all might sound like an extreme amount of information for someone just looking to get a little threesome nookie. However, these tips are here to give you the benefit of my many, many threesome experiences – when it goes well, a threesome can be unbelievably awesome – with an extra tongue, more fingers, and added hotness and something new can make a sexual experience boil over with sexy. Some of the most mind-blowing sex I’ve had has been with couples or with a third partner – it can be playful and fun, and treat it right, you can have that fun over and over again.
Author: Emma Valasco